I got asked “THE” question again
today. There’s always “THE” question that EVERYONE asks in just about every new
phase of your life. You know, when you graduate high school, it’s “What college
are you going to?” When you’re in college, it’s “What are you studying?” When
you’re dating someone, it’s “When are you getting married?” Once you’re
married, the question starts immediately, “When are you having kids?” For me, “THE”
question right now is, “Are you done?” You see, I have two little boys, 3 and
1, and I am pregnant with our third child, a little girl. Ever since I first
found out and announced that we were pregnant again, (after the wide-eyed
stares and looks of unbelief) so many people have asked if this baby will be
our last. I am always unsure of how to answer the question, because it’s
complicated, and people aren’t prepared for my answer.
I’ll
be the first to admit, being a full-time mommy is NOT easy! Answering the
unending questions, being up all hours of the night, changing endless diapers,
disciplining, training, correcting, loving, ALWAYS putting someone else’s needs
BEFORE and ABOVE my own, even when that need is putting a toy back together for
the 1000th time when you know you’ll have to do it again in five
minutes and it means I have to wait to go to the bathroom (even though I’ve
needed to go for over an hour). Being a parent means laying down your life
every moment of the day so that someone else may know love. The selfish,
comfort-craving, part of me wants to answer “THE” question with, “YES! This is
it for us!” But, it’s just not something I can say. Many years ago, I gave my
life to Christ. We, as Christians use that phrase a lot, but I think sometimes
we lose sight of what that really looks like. Giving my life to Christ means,
my body, my thoughts, my goals, my dreams, my FAMILY, my words, are not mine
any more. I have laid all of that down at His feet and humbly asked Him to take
what I have and use it to glorify His name. So, instead, I answer “I don’t
know, we’re just waiting to see what God will do.” Surprisingly, even among Christian
friends, that answer doesn’t always go over well.
So
often, we shy away from things in life that are difficult or challenging. If we
know it’s going to cost us a lot, we try our very best to make it easier or
more comfortable in any way possible. Instead of asking God to change our
hearts to look like His, we try to change our circumstances. We try to add or
subtract things from our schedules, hoping that by doing so, we will be
happier. But I am reminded that Christ
laid down His life for me, and it WAS NOT comfortable! His very prayer being
that not his will, but God’s will be done. The disciples gave up their lives
for Christ, and it was NOT easy!
We refer to God
as “Our Father” or “Our Daddy in Heaven”, “Abba”. Even though God has millions
upon millions of children, He has NEVER said NO to accepting another one. He
knows all the frustrations of being a parent, and especially being a parent to
hard-headed children, children that not only disobey Him, but betray Him, over
and over again, and yet, He ALWAYS says “YES” to one more.
Once
we turn our lives over to Christ, we aren’t supposed to be living by our own
strength any more. He promises that He will carry our burdens, that He will
never leave us or forsake us, when we are weary, He will give us rest, and my
favorite, He has given us EVERYTHING we need for life (2 Peter 1:3)!!! So, even
though having little ones is extremely exhausting and difficult, His word
reminds me that He is with me and I may experience His love, faithfulness, and
power EVERYDAY in every moment with my children.
So,
what am I saying? Am I saying everyone should have as many kids as the Duggars?
No, I am strictly saying that as Christians we should rely on Christ to guide
our decisions for EVERY area of life. Not just how many children we have, but
when to have them, where they come from, AND every other detail, what to make
for dinner, what clothes to buy, where and when and if to go on vacation or a
mission trip, what to speak or not speak to others, EVERYTHING belongs to Him!
And when we give every area over to Him, we can watch Him make miracles out of
our lives, out of little moments and big moments, we can see His hand at work.
After
being a mom for only four years, I have been stretched to the limit in ways I
never imagined! I have lost my temper, cried for hours, gone on minutes of
sleep for days, felt like the biggest failure as a parent, and SO much more.
BUT, I have also seen parts of God’s heart that I have never seen (and would
have never seen without having kids) before, those difficult moments have driven
me to my knees before God, driving me closer and closer to Him. And after all,
isn’t that what the Christian life is all about? Knowing Him more,
understanding more of His heart so that we can show it to others?
So,
let us inspire each other anew and encourage one another to pursue God’s life. I
KNOW that many people who have asked me “THE” question, have only done so out
of love and concern. They see that I am tired, frazzled, and a bit over-whelmed
at some points (and especially how sick I was during the early stages of
pregnancy) and they don’t want to see me suffer, so to speak. But I want to
encourage all of us to take a different turn. When we see frazzled and worn-out
mommies and daddies, remind them of God’s promises. Remind them that they WILL
be rewarded for their faithfulness and hard-work. Remind them that with every
diaper change, every booboo kissed, every tantrum corrected, they are serving
Christ, and in one of the most honoring ways, for it often goes unnoticed by
the rest of the world.
My
answer to “THE” question for this phase in life, is…”I don’t know.” This very
well could be our last or it could be the third of ten. But we are seeking the
Lord to find His will every moment. And I rest in the promise that He knows the
plans He has for us and they are NOT plans to harm us, but plans to bring us
hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) We would love to adopt a child from another
country, or maybe even be foster parents. But, it’s just not up to us. We are
relying on God to guide us every step of the way to provide the strength,
courage, energy, and finances that we need, right when we need it. Because He
always has, and He always will, and that is the legacy we want to leave for our
children. We want them to see that God is faithful, so that they may teach
their children, and their grandchildren and their great-grandchildren ….
